Diary of a girl trying to adult – Entry 5

15 February, 2018

The more you talk about it, the more common it becomes. The value of a discussion sometimes goes down because it is spoken excessively. I think, which is why, people never profess love. They maybe don’t want to make it ordinary. That is also maybe why people don’t announce their goals. They don’t want people to know. People will often discuss it and make it look ordinary or if one’s goals are too high, people think them to be stupid.

This could also be one of the reasons why people write diaries. To keep it personal. We don’t share our deepest thoughts with people, but with papers. What an irony. The deepth of any emotion is a result of human interaction, but we don’t want humans to know that deepth.

Also, people sometimes move on when something/ someone is repeatedly discussed. It could be anything – the person you love, your profession, your hobby, just about anything.

I could talk to you about my work, you will listen to it for about 6 months and will later loose interest in the happenings. You wouldn’t want to keep listening to the same things over and over, which is quite normal.

But what happens, when the person narrating the events doesn’t move on, instead is over-whelmed and continues talking about the same thing? Sometimes, people get stuck. Sometimes on college, some on office, some on love/ breakup, some on marriage. Maybe that’s the most important thing for them at that point of time and they find it necessary to keep discussing it.

Sometimes, I am also stuck on things. I am today. But whom do I tell it to? I could call my friends, but I have been talking, rather obsessing over it for ages now. Yet, I find myself over-whelmed at times and want to talk about it all over again. My friends would undoubtedly listen to me and understand. But this time, I don’t feel like telling them.

So I turn to my diary. Writing helps at most times I believe. Words are the exact things that help when you run out of words to explain. It sure is some weird paradox!

Today I am over-whelmed with the feeling of friendship and love. I want to obsess over someone I have been obsessing over for more than 5 years now. Someone whom I love with all my heart – my best friend.

The past few days have been quite an over-dose of emotions. Some people just understand you better than you understand yourself. And aren’t we lucky to find such people and have them by our side? In the past few days, I learnt a lot about myself, from my best friend. We bonded emotionally on such a deep level. Discussed life and future, did crazy stuff and laughed our hearts out.

When I get old, these are the days I will forever cherish. I want to tell my friend how much I love and adore the friend. That it means too much to me and that the friendship is one of the best things to have happened to me, but sometimes I don’t tell any of it. Because I feel that words might make the feelings seem ordinary. Why are we always afraid of acknowledging something immensely beautiful? I will never know.

Even though I know the fact that people aren’t mind readers and that one must say what they mean, my words fail to profess gratitude and love at times. I often abuse my friends (in a friendly way) and make fun of them. Yet, how many of us acknowledge that they are the best things to have happened to us? None of us. And when some causual friends/ acquaintance do it for us, we thank them for it and don’t take it for granted. Somehow, it is always automatically assumed that it is the best friend’s duty to do things for us and be there for us. It is never anybody’s duty. We need to realise that we have to acknowledge the presence and love of our best friends as well.

Today, I am obsessed about my best friend. A person I love with all my heart and yet, seldom say it. Someone for whom I can fight the universe and yet always keep fighting with him only. Someone who loves to make me laugh, yet I laugh the most at him. Someone who conveys his warm regards to everybody and never to me, yet whose warmest regards are always with me. Why do we give our the most beloved ones the least credit?

Maybe, as I said, talking and saying things diminishes it’s value. Actions speak louder than words. Isn’t it? Even then, a few words will always be appreciated, right? Maybe, I should get out of my shell and tell my people that I totally love and adore them. I usually do that on texts and mails, never so much in person. I should and I plan to get better at saying things from the heart in person as well.

Until then, thank you diary for letting me obsess over someone after all this time. I will maybe obsess over it for some more time. Oh well, who am I kidding? Of course I will. 🙂

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