Why did you come back through a letter? Just to take me back through those once-upon-a-time happy moments, to scratch the healed wounds or to give a happy ending to your life? Why do you end up bringing blind turns in my life? You cannot come and go as per your wishes.
Have you ever had that feeling Mahesh, where something just suddenly jolts and everything comes to an abrupt end? I have had that feeling for longer that I would like to admit. Ever since you left, I tried searching for you, everywhere, every place and in everyone. Your words, your hands, your touch, your face and that smile of yours have haunted me. Sudden disappearances’ aren’t easy to accept. You question a lot of things. I questioned myself, I often thought to myself if I did anything wrong for you to abandon me so abruptly. I questioned our love, I doubted that our love wasn’t enough to make you stay. I even went to the extent of doubting your loyalty, I thought that maybe I wasn’t enough to keep you happy and that you chose a better option. The thoughts of you using me as a toy crossed my mind quite a few times.
Love isn’t the term I choose to associate with you. I am a mother, Mahesh. I have know what love means because I have had the privilege of raising two wonderful children. A mother would never abandon her kids no matter what. She will face the worst for them and with them. A battle is never fought alone in love. We could have fought your disease together. Its only a shame that you doubted our love’s power and choose to run away. Only cowards run away Mahesh. I could have imagined anything in this world, but not you running away. You left me because you had AIDS. Seriously? No…you left me because you didn’t know me enough nor did you trust me. The pain that I have suffered is nothing as compared to the pain you think that I would have suffered being with you. And we could have divided the pain by staying together, couldn’t we? But you didn’t trust us enough.
Well, none of this matters now. It has indeed been a long journey. I am neither the one you loved nor the one you left. Life has indeed moulded me strong enough. I have mended the broken pieces and made peace. I am a much happier person and life has been fairly good to me. I have a wonderful and loving family. As a 20 year old, I couldn’t imagine a life without you. As a 57 year old, I am glad we didn’t live together. After all ‘It all happens for a reason!’
As far as forgiving you is concerned, I’m sorry I won’t be able to forgive you. My parents & family have suffered a lot because of you. And you know what…the worst part is that I am the reason to that. Somewhere down, I’m still bearing that weight. I sympathize with your sufferings due to the disease but at the same time, I won’t be able to forgive you with all my heart.
Well, if you are wondering why am I writing this back…let me tell you like you wanted to justify your act of walking away, I also had to justify my act of non-forgiveness.
Letter Credit: Krithika, Bhoomi & team 4wtf
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